“Kyle” is the fake boyfriend I made up over the weekend.
I was discussing the “perfect guy” with my girlfriend Allison. It started as this is the kind of guy I’m looking for and turned into me knowing where he went to college, what area of DC he lives in, and what he is getting me for my 30th birthday. I made up his whole story. Yea it got a little out of control…I know how Manti T’eo felt. That night, I decided I was going to look for my future “Kyle”. I realized there would be some differences in the real “Kyle” (including the fact that his name may not actually be Kyle) and the fake Kyle…and I was ok with that.
The location- The Brewer’s Ball.
The men were in full effect! I pointed out Kyle #1 within 10 minutes of getting there. He was very handsome. Clean cut. This is the Kyle my mom would like. Then there was Kyle #2. He was the guy that every one of my friends would point out and say was my “type”. Kyle #2 has a beard, shaggy hair, and was outgoing. Then there was Kyle #3, Kyle #4, & Kyle #5. Oh Kyle #5. Tall, handsome, pretty smile *Sighhhhh… He looked familiar but I couldn’t place it. I walked past him an hour later, and it hit me (and THANK GOD it did) *Cue Celine Dion “It’s All Coming Back To Me Now”
I KNEW KYLE #5! Not only did I “know” Kyle #5…I KNEW Kyle #5! I’ve hung out with Kyle #5. I swung on the swings with Kyle #5 at the park while he was walking me home after an evening in Cleveland Park. Disney movies were involved. Oh Kyle #5. While the memories are a little fuzzy being that it was a few years ago, I’m also pretty sure I f***ed that one up too. Which is why I pretended to ignore the fact that we knew each other and avoided making eye contact the rest of the evening…yep I handle these types of situations very maturely! I figured it was easier than walking up to him and saying “Hey remember that time we used to hang out and then I was an asshole and then I ran into you at the Brewer’s Ball 2 years later and then I dubbed you Kyle #5 because you are still as dreamy as I thought you were the first time but then realized you were really ******* somebody I already…well… now this is awkward.” Avoiding was the better answer. “Oh and by the way you’re still in my phone”
Kyle #5 if you are reading this. What I really wanted to say to you that night was “it was good seeing you and I hope all is well.”
The lesson- I need to stop dating. I literally almost hit on someone I’ve already been out with WITHOUT REALIZING I’ve been out with them…
What are ya gonna do?